Last week my doctor perscribed me ADHD medication. She didn't come out and say I had ADHD but when explaining the medication it just sounded like I have it. But idk 🤷‍♀️ I'm kind of scared of trying it. Suicidal thoughts are just one of the possible symptoms. But i mean that symptom is on all my medication I'm currently taking so I don't know. Maybe it will help me. Maybe it won't. But I won't know until I try it which is the scary part. I'm not new to trying out new medications, it's just this one is definitely different then my other ones. I think it's called Strattera? or something. We shall see how that goes. I'm going to start it next week since my doctor also upped my Lexapro. That's going ok i guess. I don't really see a major difference. 

I've been lying in bed more lately. I can't tell if it's a depressive episode or what but I've been waking up super late and not having any energy at all. I force myself to get out of the room but only make it to the kitchen before turning around and going right back into bed. I try to fill my days with stuff to do but I don't feel like doing anything at all. 

I occasionally go out with my parents to the store or to eat but I just feel empty inside. Sometimes there are moments when eveything feels right in the world and I actually have a good time. I like those moments even if they are short-lived.